Listen to anger.
This is a practice to help you listen to your anger and extract the data its able to provide. Anger often shows up when a boundary has been crossed. It forms a healthy, temporary wall between you and what’s harmful. Once the fire has cooled, anger can provide insight into what more permanent boundaries need to be in place moving forward.
Note that your Current Way of Being is how you’re currently showing up—through your beliefs, actions, doings, reactions, and ways of checking—and your New Way of Being is how you’d like to show up. In Integral Coaching®️ we use metaphors as a way to capture these two different Ways of Being.
Developing your ability to listen to your anger.
The purpose of this exercise is to develop your ability to get curious and listen to your anger in that moment.
Whereas your Current Way of Being feels like there is no space to get curious when anger arises and thus, reacts quickly to its spark, your New Way of Being is able to be with the heat of anger and begin a conversation around what it’s trying to tell them. They trust that there is clarity that can be pulled from the fire. At the same time, your New Way of Being also takes time to get curious and potentially get to the core of what their anger has to offer.
Once a day, when the spark of anger ignites within you, take a few minutes to get curious and listen to your anger in the moment.
First pause and acknowledge that anger is present.
Take a deep inhale and a long exhale. Let yourself be with anger’s presence for that breath.
Notice what you’re feeling in your body. Put words to those sensations to help ground you.
Say hello to your anger. Ask it what it’s message for you is.
Then, listen. Just listen.
If questions arise, ask your anger those questions. Be mindful that you don’t demand answers.
Stay with that information channel open—supported by you breath—until you have clarity around what anger trying to say to you in that moment.
Once you feel like you’ve found a gem, use that as a jumping off point to write about what you experienced/are experiencing.
Then put your writing aside to cool off.
Go back to the writing a day later and examine what is there.
Daily Reflection Questions
At the end of the day: Please take an additional 5-10 minutes to reflect on the experience of listening to your anger:
What is the belief that is causing the alarm bells to go off and your Current Way of Being to move towards anger?
What is the Current Way of Being checking for when the anger is present?
How does staying with anger and listening to it provide inspiration for your New Way of Being?
Weekly Reflection Questions
At the end of each week: Please take 15-20 minutes to reflect on the experience of listening to your anger:
What patterns did you notice in which somatic triggers provoked your Current Way of Being to react the initial spark of anger the moment?
What did you learn about what supports your New Way of Being in staying in the moment and staying curious about anger?
What insights/gems was your New Way of Being able to access when they allowed their work cool off for a day