Writer & Integral MAsTER Coach™

Money fear.

Money fear.

Most of the panic attacks I have as an adult have something to do with money.

Sometimes the trigger is an unexpected expense. Other times it’s because I spent too long thinking about my debt. And of course there are the times when contracts fail to materialize or clients don’t pay me on time or at all.

While I never feel prepared for a panic attack, I have gotten better at walking myself through them. I focus on my breathing, on relaxing my body, and on acknowledging my thoughts without spinning them out more.

Usually, I just try to survive my money-related panic attacks. Sometimes, however, I am able to find clarity amidst what is otherwise an extremely painful experience.

My most recent panic attack brought me into uncomfortably close proximity with the main fear I have around money: I am deeply afraid that I will not be able to change my money story.

It’s been almost a year since I moved home to sort out my finances. And while I have made progress with paying down my debt and creating financial stability, I still have a long way to go.

On top of feeling discouraged about where I am financially, being at home has forced me to confront the origins of my money story. So, yesterday when I collided with that narrative head on—in combination with a stressful writing client situation—a panic attack was inevitable.

Once the panic had given way and I could breathe again, I sat down and wrote out the first draft of this blog post. I turn to writing for most forms of processing and this time was not different.

In the writing of this post, I reminded myself that my money story is already vastly different from that of my past. And, at the end of the day, all I can do is take that next step toward the financial stability that I’m longing for.

I can’t say that I felt immediately better in the moment even after writing things out. I did, however, feel calmer knowing that I had spent some time sitting with that money fear and that it had not destroyed me.

Money fear is real. And I think that there’s something to be learned from it if you can are able to spend even a few breaths listening to what it has to say.

So, what are you afraid of when it comes to money?

100 blog posts.

100 blog posts.

The next step.

The next step.