Needs to be felt.
Our planet is dying and I’ve been coping with my anxiety related to this issue by watching too much Netflix. Which I know isn’t productive. Still, I’m sure I’m not alone in my response to the overwhelm that comes with thinking about imminent environmental collapse. What’s more, numbing out has never been easier or more socially acceptable. Reaching for what feels good in the moment is inexpensive and always an option.
Then, last weekend—on the first day of Mercury Retrograde—my anxiety came to a head and something shifted inside me. It was time for me to feel what needs to be felt. Because I wasn’t really avoiding feeling scared about the future of our earth. I was shying away from feeling my own pain. Even after years of therapy and making art and intellectualizing my trauma, I hadn’t let myself fully include and transcend those wounds.
In addition to overstimulating my mind with shows and scrolling, I also avoid feeling what needs to be felt with food, not enough sleep, and too much work. It seems like no matter how open and vulnerable I am with others and myself about my emotions, there’s always something deeper asking to be set free. What’s more, I worried that prioritizing feeling all the things would turn my world upside down like it has in the past.
Come Sunday, however, it was clear to me that this is not what would happen. Feeling what needs to be felt would allow me to finally move forward in my life in an embodied way. I have spent the past 10 years cycling back on the same stories. And while I have evolved as a result of the repetitive nature of these teachings, I have also come to the edge of those lessons. It’s time for me to take on new challenges.
In an attempt to not intellectualize feeling what needs to be felt, I have turned myself over to my body. I returned to a more regular yoga practice. I adjusted my sleep schedule to give myself more rest. I changed up how I’m eating. I put limits on how much time I can spend working each day. I’m also looking for a therapist so that the cognitive processing that needs to happen can be supported as well.
As a creative whose number one priority right now is creating financial wellbeing via the work that matters to me, I spent a long time thinking that I didn’t have time to feel what needs to be felt. I could express emotion in my art but anything outside of that would have to say on the back burner until further notice. This Mercury Retrograde, however, has got me editing that story. Our planet is dying and healing ourselves is the only way to heal the whole.
What will support you with feeling what needs to be felt?