The home stretch.
Despite still having a lot left to do before I launch the online class I’m building next month, I’ve reached the home stretch. I can finally see the end of this process and it feels both exciting and completely overwhelming. While I’ve been vigilant about taking care of myself throughout the past seven-ish months, I am still emotionally and creatively exhausted. Even the smallest decisions make my head hurt.
Still, while the pace I’m working at has slowed down, the rate at which I’m wrestling with my doubts, judgements, and fears has sped up. Which is to be expected. In Integral Coaching™, there’s a point in every person’s development process where their current way of being pushes back against the change that’s happening. Julia Cameron calls this a “creative U-turn.” The idea is the same: we’re making one last-ditch effort to hold onto the familiar.
My current way of being’s pushback is hardly as dramatic or as self-destructive as it’s been in the past. Instead, I’ve found myself imagining what I’ll do next; I’ve been letting my attention stray from what still needs to be done to what I’ll get to do when this project is complete. This is my way of avoiding feeling fear. Fear of failure. Of criticism. Of putting this thing out into the world and nobody caring. The list is endless.
Of course, my new way of being knows better. My new way of being is content putting one foot in front of the other. They are looking at this project holistically. While the creative elements—the videos and the puppets and workbooks—matter, so too does the less tangible learning that this process allowed for. Through the eyes of my new way of being, there can be no failure, even if I have to scramble to make money when my class goes live.
I’ve already gotten so much further along in this process than I ever have before. Which is, in and of itself, affirming. And something I remind myself of constantly. This time is different, I have proof of it. Even if the stage of the project that I’m on feels scary, that doesn’t mean that there’s anything to be afraid of. It simply feels edgy because it’s new. The unfamiliar will always feel a bit off but “feelings aren’t facts” and I’m going to be okay.
The home stretch is hard. I empathize with anyone currently struggling through that phase of their work. And I understand why so many creatives abandon their projects at this point in the process. Because the home stretch isn’t just about finishing and launching something, it’s also about showing up differently as a human and as a creative. And it’s all possible so long as we continue to persist and feel what needs to be felt.
So, what keeps you going when you reach the home stretch?